RealDealPolitics.com

Monday morning I attended a breakfast meeting where the speaker and guest was David E. Cole, Chairman Center for Automotive Research (CAR) and Professor at the University of Michigan . You have all likely heard CAR quoted, or referred to in the auto industry news lately.

Mr. Cole, who is an engineer by training, told many stories of the difficulty of working with the folks that the Obama administration has sent to save the auto industry. There have been many meetings where a 30+ year experience automotive expert has to listen to a newcomer to the industry, someone with zero manufacturing experience, zero auto industry experience, zero business experience, zero finance experience, and zero engineering experience, tell them how to run their business.

Mr. Cole’s favorite story is as follows:

There was a team of Obama people speaking to Mr. Cole (Engineer, automotive experience 40+ years, and Chairman of CAR). They were explaining to Mr. Cole that the auto companies needed to make a car that was electric and/or run on liquid natural gas (LNG) with enough combined fuel to go 500 miles so we wouldn’t ‘need’ so many gas stations. (A whole other topic). They were quoting BTU’s of LNG and battery life that they had looked up on some Internet website.

Mr. Cole explained that to do this you would need a trunk FULL of batteries and a LNG tank as big as a car to make that happen and that there were problems related to the laws of physics that prevented them from…

The Obama person interrupted and said (and I am quoting here) “These laws of physics? Who’s rules are those? We need to change that. We have the Congress and the Administration. We can repeal that law, amend it, or use an executive order to get rid of that problem. That’s why we are here, to fix these sorts of issues.”

Cattle Guards in CO

For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the “guards,” probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.

A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the “cattle” guards immediately!!

Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten him out, Vice-President, Joe Biden, intervened with a request that.. before any “cattle” guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining.

And these guys are running our country!!

Breaking News. The Real Deal has discovered that the man who has been appearing in front of cameras as Gov. Blagojevich (blah-go’-ya-bitch) of Illinois is actually a Saturday Night Live (SNL) actor masquerading as the Governor.

Gov. Blagojevich

The actor’s identity was revealed after a reporter spontaneously cracked up during yesterday’s press conference. The reporter stated, “after he started reading that poem I just lost it. I mean nothing he said had anything to do with the charges against the Governor, and then the random poem… I couldn’t help it anymore.”

It turned out that the reporter was part of a SNL crew that put together all of the recent press conferences. “Nobody outside of Chicago actually knew what the Governor looked like, so we just floated an actor and sold it to the public, and it even fooled the mainstream media. It’s over now, but we gave the public a good laugh.”

The Governor has actually been in jail pending indictment for the duration of the press conferences, and has not even had a chance to comment in public. But in an arrangement between SNL and the local Chicago media, who knew the Governor was inaccessible, they were able to put together solid entertainment during the news hour and heighten viewership.

Many began to wonder why the Governor would come on stage smiling with his 1980′s Chia pet hairdo and not address any of the questions that were asked of him, instead telling people of his greatness, and reading poetry. Speculations about the Governor were widely varied, some claiming he was on drugs, others that he was in a post-nervous-breakdown stage.

The local Chicago media outfits involved offered no apology. “With Obama stealing the spotlight, and the major networks getting all of that action, we really had nothing exciting,” said one local reporter. “All we had was another corrupt governor, but that’s nothing new around here. So we did what we had to do. We created entertainment and sold it as news.”

Most public viewers were not offended by the action either. Said one couch potato, “I have no problem with it. We’ve had such a great time watching and laughing at this character, who cares if he’s real or not? I was telling my buddy, ‘you can’t make this stuff up,’ but it turns out that’s exactly what they did. Whatever, it’s better than the real story I’m sure.”

The Real Deal even dispatched a reporter to the jail where Gov Blagojevich is being held, where the Governor remarked, “I couldn’t have done a better job myself. I mean, he successfully deflected all accusations and turned it around into some kind of self-glorification seminar with poetry. I never would have thought of that. It was brilliant.”

In fact, nobody interviewed seemed to care that the whole press conference series was a fraud, and seemed to prefer the comedy series instead.